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Beat-The-Wedding-Bell-Blues
"Double Take" Q & A Archives
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Roles
For Relatives Who Aren't in
the Bridal Party |
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from
the "Family and Friends"Section
of THE ADVICE SISTERS E-book "WEDDING Q&A (From
A-Z)"
Q: I would like my brother to be a part of my wedding but he's sort of quiet and shy so I can't ask him to be master of ceremonies and my fiancé has already chosen his best man. Please help with a suggestion as to what he can do? Q: I would like my younger sister to be part of my wedding but we are not having a church ceremony and I am not having bridal attendants except for a matron of honor, my older sister. Any way to include her? |
| A: THE ADVICE SISTERS RESPOND: These questions are similar so we will answer them together: There are many ways you can include someone special to you in your wedding without putting them in the bridal party. In the past, we've made suggestions to brides and grooms that they ask siblings and special friends to be part of the ceremony itself by lighting a unity candle, keeping the guest book and greeting guests as they arrive, delivering small favors individually to guests on your "behalf" or reciting a poem or singing a song (but don't ask someone to do this who is shy or if who does not have a seriously good voice!). A very shy person or younger sibling might be asked to help cut and deliver the wedding cake. Even if you already have a matron of honor and a best man, why not ask your brother or sister to make a special toast to you and your new spouse? You might also ask the "shy one" to be the "genuis behind the scenes" and be your right-hand to check on the caterer, answer questions from guests and generally"keep a watch" to make sure everything is running smoothly on your special day for you. Make sure you don't over-burden someone with too much work or responsibility. You're giving these people special roles and responsibility because they're so important to you but remember: they're still guests, not employees! Be sure to mention these special people in your own thanks on your wedding day, and "reward" them in a way that is meaningful to you and them...perhaps with a special corsage and a seat at the head table, and a special gift of appreciation you picked out just for them! And one last thing: Don't assume that everyone is up to the task of participating in your special day, even though they want to celebrate your joy. Just as we do not advocate "forcing" children into situations where they must participate or perform in weddings, we also know that some adults feel downright uncomfortable about being on display or handling additional responsibilities. ASK FIRST! "Honoring" someone, we believe, also means honoring their feelings! |
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