JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

Office politics are starting to play a role in modern weddings just as they do in regular life. Having said that, a wedding is not a regular "party" in the sense of the word but a celebration of marriage witnessed by people who care about the bride and the groom. It is not necessary to invite anyone you work with to your wedding unless they are true friends of yours and you truly want them to be there on your special day. This is especially true if you work in a large office and it would be impossible for you to invite all the workers in your group. However, if you work in a very small office where everyone is "presumed" to be part of the same "team" you might want to consider inviting all these co workers so that you can keep the peace at your office where "picking and choosing" among the workers may easily be taken as a sign of dislike or disrespect for those you did not select. In your case, however, it is too late. The cat is out of the bag and you know the entire office, large or small, now knows they were not invited to your wedding.

There are a couple of ways to handle this. One is to send around a notice to everyone who was not invited explaining that you are having only a very small ceremony and reception with only close family members and a few close friends, but want to thank everyone for all their good wishes and understanding.

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ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

Advice Sister Jessica offers some good suggestions, but I don’t agree with her that you are obligated to even consider inviting everyone else, even if you work in a small office. Just because you work with a group of people does not mean you have to stretch your budget to invite them all, or make your wedding reception larger than you'd like to include co-workers with whom you're not close.  However,  I do agree that you need to be mindful of your co-workers feelings.   Obviously once your loose-lipped co-worker spilled the beans about her invitation, the other people you work with felt offended not to get an invitiation, as well. Unless you are ready to endure months, maybe years, of hard feelings and ugly stares, you’re going to have to do damage control.

The best way to handle this? First, make sure that you invite your boss if you haven’t done so. If you do it quickly enough s/he will think the invitation just got delayed in the mail. You do not want to give the perception that office workers were invited but the boss was not. Then, send around an informal memo/invitation to everyone else inviting them all to an after-work party (it needn’t be elaborate) to introduce your groom. In lieu of that, invite everyone to a "now at home" party once you have come back from your honeymoon, and be sure to show the wedding photos! Make it clear the your are having just a small ceremony and reception and while you can't invite them all, you'd love them to be a part of this happy time.   Make it clear as people respond that this is an informal celebration - you don't want to be accused of trawling for gifts! 

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