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"I got set up on a blind date by a co-worker. 'Ken' had the nicest voice, and I had a really good feeling about our date. But when we finally met in person, I was totally shocked: my "dream date" was short, paunchy, wore a badly fitting suit, had scuffed shoes, thinning hair and sported my own personal turnoff: a thick, untrimmed beard. I wanted to bolt right out of the restaurant. If Ken noticed my horror, he pretended ignored it. Warmly, he offered me a carnation and a CD his jazz combo had just released, signed with a little poem he'd written on the cover in gold ink just for me. I was really charmed, and as the evening progressed, I began to realize that behind his looks there was a really special guy; funny, intelligent, warm and genuine. As he solemnly shook my hand at my car door and asked me if I'd honor him with another date, I realized I actually LIKED Ken and couldn't wait to see him again. After a few months of dating I took him "shopping" for new clothes and convinced him to trim his beard. He looks really good now and we're so much in love. I can't believe I almost let him go! I've never been so happy." (April, Age 34, non-profit manager)

"When I tried to draw his blood and missed the first time, he screamed that I was a "witch." I was pretty offended, even though he WAS cute, but when he calmed down and started talking, I realized that he was an interesting man whom I'd like to get to know better. I finished my work and he thanked me with apologies and asked me out. We've been together nine months and are still going strong." (Maria S. Age 45, nurse)

"He asked me to dance and all I could see was Jerry's ridiculous floppy hat and dirty pants. My friends couldn't believe that I'd give someone who dressed like that the time of day, but something in his eyes made me take a chance on him anyway. That was a year ago, and I have a great feeling about our future together." (Karin, Age 35, accountant)

FINDING LOVE TIP #2: Look at the Good Points as Well as the Bad...You May be Very Glad You Did:

"You'll have to drive,' George said after I accepted a first date with him. I was SO shocked that I was almost speechless! EVERYONE drives in our town and the public transportation isn't very good. I was so turned off I almost canceled the date, but I'd already agreed to have coffee with him after an alternative university class we'd just attended, and didn't want to make a scene. During our date I discovered that George had previously lived in a large City where no one drove and having a car was a real liability. He'd just moved to town a few months ago, and was so busy setting up his law practice that he hadn't had time to sign up for driver training. We really did have a great time, and despite my reluctance to be with a non-driving date, I found myself saying, "yes" when George asked me out over the weekend. The next weekend, George met me waving his learner's permit. I knew we would be driving down the road to romance together when soon afterwards, he asked me to pick the model and color of his new car so that we would both enjoy driving it! We got married three years ago, and I'll always be grateful that I didn't turn George down just because he didn't drive." (Lillian, Age 33, teacher).

I hadn't known Tom very long when he invited me to a Halloween party. He was kind of a nerd and I wasn't sure I wanted to continue dating him. As we sat around discussing what we should "be." we got sillier and sillier...but we didn't come up with any bright ideas. Suddenly, Tom said, " I've GOT it!" The night of the party Tom came to my door dressed in white with a light bulb strapped to his head. Somehow, he'd managed to wire himself so that when he pressed his thumb, the bulb would light up. His bright idea was to be a "bright idea!" I knew then and there I'd marry him - and I did." (Mary, Age 39, writer)

"I met my husband at the community pool after my husband ditched me for his young assistant, leaving me with 3 children to support I was so busy just trying to be a "single mom" that I wasn't focused on romance. Every time we went to the pool, Tim' was there, helping all the kids out with their swimming strokes and organizing pool games, even though he his own 3 kids to watch.. He seemed like such a nice man, and so good with kids, that eventually, I got the courage to strike up a conversation. Slowly romance grew between us and friendship between our kids., We married a year and a day after our first date and I have never regretted a moment - and yes, we got married at the pool!" (Harriet, 31, cosmetician)

"I liked Don the minute I met him at my first dating support team meeting, but I never even considered him as a potential date or mate because I wasn't physically attracted to him. Over the next year, Don and I began going places together outside of the group meetings. I could tell that he really liked me a lot and wanted to pursue a more intimate relationship, but no matter how much I loved him as a friend, I just couldn't get past his looks. Then, both my parents died within 6 months of each other, and Don was always there for me, listening to my problems, helping me out, always being on my side when I needed it. One day, as we were doing some chores together, I looked over at Don's smiling face, and realized that I'd be a fool to let the true "prince" get away! All off a sudden, Don's warm smile, soft brown hair, hearty laugh, and inner goodness seemed really SEXY! Don looked really good! I wasn't going to let "the good one" get away just because he wasn't a hunk. I told Don just how much I loved him right then and there! We'll be married in two years, once I finish graduate school." (Marissa, 30, MBA student)

"I met Jon on the unemployment line. It turned out that we'd both been laid off by the same company. We'd worked three floor apart but had never met before! We started dating. Since neither of us had any money, we spent out time at free concerts in the park, and having picnic lunches while everyone else was working! Soon, I got another job, but Jon didn't. My friends and family pressured me to ditch the loser, but I knew Jon was just having some bad luck. To make a long story short, Jon not only got a new job, but he quickly moved up the ranks. He made good investments and ended up buying his own company. We have two houses in the States and a condo in Paris - and we travel all over the world on our own private jet together. We've been married twenty years." (Juanita 48, business owner)

I know a lot of women who think that they are very unlucky, but when my husband and child were killed by a drunk driver last year, I didn't think I could survive another day. A friend at my church took me to a support group for people who had lost loved ones to violent crimes. I listened while Sam talked openly about his feelings about the death of his wife and sister, also in a senseless accident. Afterwards, I went up to thank him for inspiring me, and he asked me out. On our first date he took me to the park to look for pop bottles to return to the recycling center. He wanted me to know that he did work for charities and though he'd share this interest with me, but at the time I remember thinking he was just a cheapskate who didn't deserve a second chance. When I saw how the people at the recycling center greeted him - the respect and friendship for the work he was doing for the homeless - I changed my mind. We got engaged six months later." (Beth, 29, executive recruiter)

 FINDING LOVE TIP #3: Overlook Those First Date Jitters and Give the Relationship a Chance to "Chill"

Phil and I met at a party, and we spent the entire evening together. I thought we might really have something great going. But when we met for our first dinner date, Philip didn't seem like the same person I'd met the night before: his conversation was stiff and formal and mostly about his job, his friends, his interests...he didn't bother to asked me about anything and avoided discussion of anything personal. I found an excuse to call it a night earlier than I would have and he didn't seem the least bit bothered. He didn't try to walk me home and he didn't ask for another date to see me again. The next day, a bouquet of roses arrived at my office with a note which said, " really enjoyed our date last night. Thanks for putting up with my nerves". Even with the flowers, I wasn't sure that I wanted to see Philip again. I hadn't had a good time on that first date, but I decided that he seemed sincere and deserved a second chance to just "be himself." I guess knowing that I was interested enough to try again allowed Phil to relax a bit, open up and talk about more personal subjects. Turns out the Phil is a good listener as well as a great guy. We have been a couple for three months now, and I have sense the relationship is getting really serious." (Monica, Age 23, Sales Manager)

"I hadn't had a date in a couple of months and was pretty "off men," so when Martin tried to pick me up in a local bar we both hang out in, and bumbled his bad opening line, I just ignored him and told him to get lost. We avoided each other for a few months until one night he came over and said: 'all I really want is a chance to see if we might like each other, can I buy you a drink?' I had nothing else going so I said OK. I discovered that Martin was smart and sensitive, and he was just not a slick operator. We're getting married next year." (Sara, Age 29, secretary)

"I met Billy at a class on how to improve your personal relationships. Billy was lively and fun but kept calling me "Pauline" or Maureen" instead of my name. It really got on my nerves. At the break, Billy bellowed 'Hey sexy chick! Don't even THINK of leaving this room until you and I make a date for next week!" for all to hear. I was SO mortified. Later, in the middle of the class, Billy interrupted the discussion and asked for everyone's attention.

FINDING LOVE TIP #4: Have Courage, Keep Trying, Believe in Yourself --You Can Get What You Want!

"After my fiancé, Richard, broke our engagement, I didn't have the heart to try the 'meet market' again. After moping around the apartment that we once shared night after night for months, my roommate, finally pressured me into going to one of her wine-tasting-for-singles events. I figured if nothing else, I'd get to taste some new wines, but I didn't count on having FUN! I signed up for the next event that night, and have met a number of interesting men since then. One guy, Benny, has been asking me out regularly, and I'm beginning to feel that perhaps I CAN love someone else again. It takes some time for a broken heart to heal, but there's no reason to feel hurt forever. I'll never forgive Richard for being so mean, but that doesn't mean that EVERY guy is like that. I'm glad I finally had to courage and motivation to get back in the mating game. I intend to WIN IT this time!" (Marilyn, Age 26, medical student)

"I never had a lot of trouble getting dates, but I always seemed to pick the wrong guys. My last two boyfriends turned out to be gay, and the most recent one had ditched me for one of my supposedly good friends. After the last disappointment, I stopped dating entirely for almost a year. When my little sister announced her engagement and I realized I'd be the one who had ended up home, alone with Mom and Dad, I joined a singles group and got involved in our volunteer ambulance corps. I guess it is just a matter of luck and timing, because soon afterwards, I met several nice men, all of whom wanted to seriously date me. Eventually, I went steady with Justin. I not only have a date for my sister's wedding, I have an engagement ring of my own!" (Deborah, Age 38, Lawyer)

"My husband died suddenly in a plane crash, and I found myself with no job and no idea of how to manage my life without the man with whom I'd spent the last 15 years of my life as a 'couple.' I joined a support group, and touched out the first few years by drinking myself into a stupor. Eventually, I decided that my life was worth saving, and I joined AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). After about a year of being sober, Nadine, the leader of my group, called me aside and asked if I would talk to "Tony," a recovering alcoholic whose wife had recently died and who was having a difficult time accepting that and managing his disease. I asked Tony if he'd like to have coffee with me after one of our meetings as a good deed. Tony laughed when I mentioned that I'd asked him for coffee because Nadine had asked me to. He had just thought I was just a confident woman who had no problem asking a man out for a date! We shared a good laugh over this, but actually, Tony turned out to be a wonderful man with lots of potential. I asked him out that day for another "real" date, and he accepted. Since that time, both Tony and I have turned our lives around, and have been clean and sober for nearly 10 years and 12 years each. Sometimes love finds you in the strangest ways, and when you least expect it". (Annie, Age 53, writer)

 FINDING LOVE TIP #5: Terrible Situations Can Turn Out Terrific!

"I'll never forget the night I came home from work to a half-empty apartment, and a note from my live-in boyfriend of 4 years that said how he'd been in love with a man at work for the past two years, and was leaving me to be with him! I didn't have any idea that Jeff was gay OR that he was unhappy and cheating on me. I ended up losing a boyfriend AND a place to live, since I couldn't swing all the rent, myself. Somehow, over the next few months, I managed to start dating again, but every man I met turned out to be a walking disaster! My next boyfriend left me to join the Army, the next one went back to his ex- wife, and the guy after that went crazy and had to be committed to a mental hospital. I had a string of affairs with married men, figuring that this was the best I could get. My self esteem went down the drain. Then, a friend of mine who was involved in body building got me interested in it. It was great because I didn't have to do it with anyone else, and I really WANTED to be alone. I began to look really good, and I even won a few amateur matches. I knew that I'd found the one thing I loved, and before long, I became certified as a personal trainer, and began entering professional matches. I met 'Steve' at a competition, and even though I knew it was a risk to approach him, I found the courage to do it anyway. It turned out that Steve was good hearted, heterosexual, available, and just as interested in me as I was in him! I still am cautious about putting myself out and getting hurt, but I'm getting better at it. Since Steve, the quality of my life, and the men I date, has improved 100%. I feel sure that some day soon, as long as I go out there and try and don't give up, I'll meet the right man for me." (LeeAnne, 43, professional trainer)

I hadn't had a date in many months when Chris asked me out. We had agreed to meet in front of the movie theater at 8:00. The movie started at 8:30, but by 9:00, it was clear that Chris wasn't going to show. I stood in front of the theater feeling so alone, wondering what about me was so awful that my date would stand me up. Fifteen minutes later, cold and upset, I began to walk away, but the man in the ticket booth called out to me: "I've been watching you standing all by yourself...and I just have to say that any man that would leave a beautiful woman like YOU waiting alone on a Saturday night is a total moron!" Before I could reply he added: "Look, I don't usually do this, but I'm off my shift in 15 minutes. "I hear this film is really good and I haven't seen it yet. Would you do me the honor of seeing it with me next show?" I was so stunned that I said yes. Andy and I are about to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary next week." (Thelma, Age 75, retired housewife)

"Frank were high school sweethearts. We lived in a small farming community, and both sets of our parents poured their life savings into our wedding. No one, especially ME, could believe that Frank would actually jilt me at the altar, but he DID! I spent the next two years lying around in bed, crying, and listening to the old love songs we used to dance to. One day my sister, Beth, told me that she'd just met the perfect man for me -- at the pharmacy! 'Bill,' the new pharmacist, had been in town just two weeks. She'd shown him my photo and asked if he'd like to meet me. To my horror Beth said: 'he's taking you to dinner tonight.' I couldn't get out of it because Beth didn't know Bill's phone number, and the pharmacy was closed for the night. Bill showed up and Beth was right, we WERE a perfect match. We took things VERY slowly, and just got engaged after dating for 6 years. I feel confident that the next time I find myself at the altar Bill will be right by my side, and it will be happily-ever-after for us." (Amy, 27, farmer)

"My social life had been the pits, so I figured I'd volunteer at my law school's free legal clinic and do some good for someone else, even if I was going to stay single. Gus came to the clinic to seek help in getting custody of his two kids. As we worked through his case, I came to see that Gus was a really responsible, down-to-earth man who was not only a great father but had the potential to make a great husband as well. When the custody papers were signed, we "celebrated" at a dinner he made just for me. We're dating regularly now and all the signs point to a merger for us soon!" (Bella, 30, law student)

 FINDING LOVE TIP #6: Make the First Move -- What Have You Got to Lose?

"I have never been the flirtatious type, but when I saw Tom on the subway platform coming home from work one evening, I was smitten." I couldn't believe how fine he looked in his perfect power suit and holding an expensive briefcase. I tried to catch his eye but he didn't notice me. After a couple of evenings seeing him there, I finally decided that he was never going to look my way and if I wanted to ever meet him, I was going to have to break the ice. I was scared because he looked so good and I figured he couldn't possibly be interested in me, but I got up the courage to sk him something about how long he'd been waiting and to my surprise, he opened up to me right away. Before the ride home, He'd asked me out for a drink. We didn't hit it off as a permanent thing, but I am sure glad I got the courage up to talk to him. I'll do it again next time someone else I like catches my eye!" (Sharina, 22, personal assistant).

"I met my husband at the funeral of a distant relative. I was waiting for the service to start and I saw George sitting by himself on a bench big enough for two. I was tired and knew few people and the service was still a half an hour away, so I asked him if I could share his bench. We started talking and found that in addition to a mutual connection in the way of the deceased, we also had a lot in common. We've been married fifteen years. (Harriet, 50, cosmologist)

"I'm a waitress, and I wish I had a dime for every time I accidentally come in contact with a patron's leg or back while trying to maneuver around tables and noticed the guy smile at me and try to strike up a conversation. I was so intrigued by this that I tried it when I was off duty on my own. If the person I "accidentally hit" didn't move away, I figured (and usually rightly) that he was interested in striking up a conversation. I now try to lightly make contact with someone I like by touching them during conversation....a prolonged touch later has led to much more on occasion too. Sure, it's flirting, but it works great!" (JoLi, 24, waitress).

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