|
Advice Sisters Great Relationships- HOME Get Personal, Private Online Advice Real Comments From Real People
Be Popular - Realize Your Dreams What Works" Beauty & Fashion Column
|
AdviceSisters Web Site: Everything you need for love, success & happiness is here!
BEATING THE HOLIDAY BLUES, 2002
Q: I used to look forward to the holidays. Usually, I host a lavish dinner party for my friends, put up extravagant decorations, and pull out all the stops when it comes to buying gifts. But this year, things will be so horrible. I lost my job a few weeks ago and I feel so sad and empty. I just feel so "out of it." How can I survive the holidays when I'm so "down", I don't have a job, and I'm watching every penny?*A note from Alison: The holidays are one of the prime times for layoffs. This year, more than ever, readers tell me they're worried about holding on to their jobs. This year, as every year, I've been asked to reprint: "Must Jobless Mean Joyless During the Holiday Season." If you find yourself holding pink slip instead of a bonus check, this month, don't worry: you will get an even better job in the coming months if you work at your job search, and don't give up hope. I also suggest you visit this column and THE ADVICE SISTERS each month for new Q&A, new inspiration, and new ways to make your life and career easier, more satisfying, and more successful!
ALISON ANSWERS: They're everywhere: images of people in evening clothes drinking champagne by candlelight at elegant holiday parties; happy families sharing happy times around tables groaning with food; children excitedly opening piles of expensive gifts; houses aglow with lights; jolly horse-drawn sleighs gliding through the glittering snow.....The media bombards us with these "ideal" holiday images, but while they may be pleasing, they're the stuff of fantasy, not reality.
In reality, many people dread the holidays, but they won't admit it because they feel there must be something wrong with them! Holidays can be a lonely time, especially if you're not feeling "with the spirit" or you're unemployed. Furthermore, the days can be short, dark, and cold; friends and family may be separated by impossible distances; single people feel increasingly isolated; escalating debts cause worry and tension; and existing troubles may feel more intense than ever. While the rate of hiring plummets, the termination rate, soars.
It's no wonder that for many people, the old song doesn't hold true -- it simply "isn't the most wonderful time of the year!
If the holidays are making you feel sad and blue, and you're on a budget, besides, you can still make this holiday season the best you've ever had! To help you think about the holiday cheer in terms of SPIRIT, and not SPENDING, here are some suggestions to beat the holiday blues and have create holiday cheer -- on a shoestring:
A LITTLE HELP FROM YOUR FRIENDS:
Friends can really lift your spirits at any time of the year, of course, but when you're a job seeker, you need their friendship, love, and support even more than ever. Don't turn then away at holiday time! You don't have to worry about breaking your budget as long as you select activities where you can share, but not spend. Instead of dining or drinking at expensive restaurants to celebrate the holidays with friends, budget inexpensive lunches. Or, instead of eating a meal, why not suggest doing your holiday shopping together this year, followed by a restorative drink at a coffee bar? Another idea is to both take your kids, and enjoy looking at the festive decorations in the stores on Main Street, or Fifth Avenue. Invite a few close friends over to bake batches of holiday cookies, and divvy up the results. There's room in even the sparest of budgets for these special, and merry, activities.
If you're single, don't withdraw from party invitations. If you're worried about what you'll say when you're asked: "what do you do for a living?" just smile and say that you're in the middle of a career investigation. Instead of focusing on your worries, take time off to read the paper every day (not just the classifieds) so you'll be well informed, and have something to talk about besides job hunting. Talk about all the good things you're doing and what you hope to do in the future. Resist the urge to do what Dorothy did on her last date: "When my date asked how things were in my life these days, I became so involved my tale of woe about losing my job and having trouble paying my bills that I didn't realize that not only had he stopped listening, he'd stopped moving! I thought he was so quiet because he was really interested in what I was saying, but, he'd actually fallen asleep halfway through our dinner with a forkful of baked ziti in his hand!"
Entertaining on a Shoestring
If treating your friends to a holiday party really makes you feel good, there's no reason to skip it. You may have offer less-impressive spread if you're between jobs, but your guests will be doubly appreciative of your effort. Go ahead and schedule the party, but cut costs by serving poultry instead of steak,/ wine instead of champagne, and home-made dessert instead of fancy, store-bought ones. Cut costs even more by changing to a theme party instead of having a full dinner. How about a dessert party, where you serve home-made sweets and fancy coffee drinks, instead of a full bar? Bring-your-own-bottle-or-dish parties are appropriate, too, as are collaborations with a few close friends in a progressive dinner party. Progressive dinner parties are fun for friends who live nearby, because the appetizers are hosted by one friend in his/her house, the main course is served in another friend's house, and everyone ends up in a third house for dessert.
The point is: you can still have a very successful and happy holiday party which warms hearts and spirits, without spending a fortune.
Gift-Giving 101:
Everyone likes getting and giving gifts and cards, but when you're not making any money, you've just got to cut down. Send postcards instead of expensive holiday cards (or make your own). Send actual cards only to people who you don't communicate with regularly, or to whom you'd have to make a long distance call. Send other greetings through your computer by e-mail, and take advantage of E-card sites where you can send greetings for free.
Next, book your gift list on a diet. Good friends and family who know about your job situation may automatically suggest that you not exchange gifts this year, or that you both cut down the dollar amount. If they don't mention it, you should do it yourself. If you feel obligated to send gifts, keep them small. Don't be ashamed because the gift is small--it is the thought that counts...so be sure you be extra thought into what you select, this year. Give a small amount of money to charity in someone's name instead of buying them a big-ticket item they might return or recycle. Avoid waiting until the 11th hour to shop for gifts when there's little left to choose. Don't buy something just because you have just one day left, and you're still not finished with your list! If you celebrate Chanukah and can't afford eight substantial gifts, give ONE special gift (instead of eight ordinary ones) or make them all tiny-but-appreciated items geared specifically for someone special.
Keep in mind that the best gifts are not always from a store. Even if you're not particularly "crafty" you're home, so you have extra time to produce a variety of home-made gifts which cost little and make a big impression. Virtually every woman's magazine this time of year has "make-it-yourself" gift sections. Cookies and candies, nestled in inexpensive tins from the discount store, home-made bread packaged with a cutting board, or easy-to-make-flavored vinegars, and oils in unusual bottles, are always appreciated. The more ambitious might knit a scarf, or make decorations or holiday sweatshirts (use fabric paints or iron-on designs, or glued-on appliques, trim, sequins, beads, and glitter). Food gifts are always appropriate and personal (even if you don't can't make them yourself). Buy fresh croissants and place them with a jar of gourmet jam in a basket for a great hostess gift.
For those who aren't handy in the kitchen, "home-made" can be ready-made mixes (eg. muffins, cookies, hot cocoa) measured into decorative jars, or hand-sewn fabric bags, along with the cooking instructions. Include a muffin tin, a cute cookie cutter, or a mug. You can further personalize all of your food gifts by using your computer or decorative stamps to make "your own brand" labels.
If food gifts don't entice you, why not give a gift of yourself? Offer your services for something specific. Baby-sit to give your favorite couple some romantic time together. Cater a brunch for your always-too-busy friend. Be a personal shopper for an elderly relative. Announce your gift with a certificate, which you put in a festive beautiful box, or in a pretty card.
NOTE: None of these gifts ideas cost a lot, but the thought and effort you put into them will be appreciated long after other (store-bought gifts) are gone. Consult PAGE TWO of THE ADVICE SISTERS HOLIDAY 2001 BEAUTY REVIEW has dozens of gift ideas, large and small that you can order online, to suit every budget.
Decorating and Merry-Making:
Many people enjoy making a big fuss at the holidays, and decorating every inch of their home, but decorating for the holidays needn't bankrupt you. Use your time and your creativity to decorate with an old-fashioned, thrifty, and highly festive holiday theme this year. String popcorn, cranberries, and beads on your tree. Make ornaments out of oranges and apples stuck with cloves, or cut shapes from old holiday cards and run ribbons through them. Buy inexpensive ornaments and lights from the discount store, personalizing them with glitter, sequins, and ribbons. Make quick keepsake gifts the same way, by writing on them with glitter glue or paint. To light up your holiday nights inexpensively, paint terra-cotta flowerpots and place votive candles inside.
Sure-Fire Tips for Beating the Holiday Blues:
It's likely that your job hunting efforts will be slower this time of year, because interviewing and hiring are often put on hold until after the holidays. Nevertheless, it's essential to keep up your job hunt right through the holidays. To keep yourself from experiencing "burn out" during this frustrating time, reward yourself for little victories rather than waiting for a large success (eg. you got a response to a resume, you made those ten follow-up phone calls). If you're feeling sad and blue, read HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF and get started on that self-improvment campaign you've been putting off.
Temporary, holiday jobs also fill the hours and help you manage job hunting a little better. They get you out of the house, make you feel "productive," and put some extra cash in your pocket while you look for your next real job opportunity. In most cases, a temporary job as a holiday salesperson will also give you a store discount as well as a paycheck. Don't forget to investigate freelance work too, as these types of jobs sometimes turn into full-time jobs. No matter what you choose, you'll meet new people, and you might actually find yourself with a great new permanent job after the holidays are over.
No matter how excited you get about the holidays, you may still end up with a bout of the holiday blues. Good nutrition, moderation of food and alcohol at holiday parties, lots of sleep and exercise -- all will help you stay healthy and improve your mood.
A sure cure for the "feeling sorry for myself blues" is to make this holiday better by helping someone less fortunate than yourself. Volunteer! Whether you work for your favorite charity or just make life a little brighter for those who need help, if you give of yourself you will surely feel your own spirits lifting.
If you still can't shake those holiday blues, bring out the "heavy artillery." Rent classic movies of the season: "It's a Wonderful Life;" "a Christmas Carol;" "Miracle on 34th Street;" and (my personal favorite): "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Read THE ADVICE SISTERS' article "HOW TO HANDLE THE HOLIDAYS...SOLO OR NOT." Keep in mind that whatever holiday you celebrate, first and foremost, all of the holidays are religious holidays. The rest of the hoopla is just that: hoopla.
You don't have to stop enjoying the holidays just because you're not working. You are much more than just your job! Your worth as a person is the sum total of all of your facets--not just what you do for a living. Take the time to count your blessings. Find joy in all of your holiday preparations. Resist the urge to stay at home because you're feeling "blue." The new Year is just around the corner, and it will surely bring renewed opportunities for your job and career as long as you continue to believe in yourself, and keep active in your job search.
Alison Blackman Dunham, aka. "Advice Sister Alison, " is a life & career expert, online advisor, freelance writer, and creator of The Advice Sisters online publications. "The Advice Sisters®" are credited with bringing the advice genre, online. If you are seeking advice of any kind, this website is the right place! If you have a question, dilemma or problem that requires personal attention, consult Alison privately. Also check out The Advice Sisters Features Page with the latest additions to the site. Read the Advice Sisters Blog and enjoy the Bulletin Boards and Forums. For even more advice, inspiration and up-close-and-personal reviews, information and reports, get the free, bi-monthly AdviceSisters Enews by Email.