JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

Loneliness and rejection are very difficult–for everyone however they come–in life, career, and in love. And everyone feels both these emotions sometime during the "mating game." Pairing up is not an easy process. In Western culture, "dating" is the way we most frequently find our mates. And dating can be devastating. There is always someone telling you (in effect) what you're not, or what you should be, or what they want that you don't have, or what you have that they don't want. If you take every "no thanks" to heart, no wonder you feel like branding yourself a "loser" and hanging yourself from the highest tree!

We understand that when you aren't reaching your goals it can be very frustrating...especially if the goal you have in mind is very important to you–like finding a love relationship. But when something isn't working it's time to go back and re-assess the situation and try a new plan. Perhaps you aren't finding the love you want because you don't really know what you want, or can't recognize it when you see it. Perhaps your communication skills need work. Perhaps you come across too strong, too desperate, too depressed. There are many reasons you may not be getting past the "friends" stage to something more intimate. Retreating behind the label ‘LOSER' isn't going to make you feel better or get you anywhere. The obvious thing to do right now is for you to find out what you've been doing that isn't working, and change it! Talk to your friends–maybe a female friend you like and trust. Ask her honestly what you could do to up your romance quotient. We never can see ourselves the way others see us. One small change might change your entire approach...and meet with the success you want!

Remember that just because someone hasn't said "I Love You" to you (yet) doesn't mean your life is over! You still have plenty of time to hear those words from a woman–honestly. If you are so depressed and defeated that you can't be positive about yourself, the best suggestion we can give you is to consider seeing a therapist or joining a professional help group right now in your home town so that you can feel better and move forward with your life and goals. If you are low on funds try your house of worship or community center: nearly all churches and synagogues, for example, have singles groups, grief groups etc. where you will be welcomed to come and participate without a fee. There are also nonprofit organizations that run help centers where you can talk over your problems–some even have 24-hour hot lines. Whatever you do, don't continue to sit alone in front of your computer writing to us! Get out and help yourself so you can reach that goal of finding the love you say you want. If you spend less time and brain power on feeling hopeless and sorry for yourself and more about how to make the rest of today...and all the rest of the days of your life...count...you will end up a "winner" and find the happiness and love you seek!

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

You don't need a dog–what you need is to change your attitude! Words are very powerful things. Whether you believe it or not, calling yourself a "loser" convinces others that if you think you're a loser, everyone else should too! Even your letter to The Advice Sisters reeks of despair. If you think your life is such a "downer" how can you expect a woman to be excited about being part of it with you?

We don't know your age, but some people are naturally late bloomers. The Advice Sisters know of one man who only dated a few times well into his 30's, but at age 35 he met a woman and married her within just a few months! They have been blissfully happy together for more than eighteen years now. This man stood on the sidelines a lot while his friends paired off, but he didn't despair, feel sorry for himself, or think he was a loser. He knew that if he kept a positive attitude and felt worthy of being loved, he'd eventually find the right person. He didn't date a lot, but he dated "smart"by knowing what he really wanted and then dating women who had those qualities. It took him a while, but he found the "right one" instead of Ms. "You'll Do." You can, too.

The Advice Sisters don't often get ‘personal,' but it might help you if we share with you a saying from our own grandmother who lived until after her ninety-first birthday and was the wisest woman we've ever known. Whenever we felt we were at the breaking point, she'd tell us simply: "WHERE THERE'S LIFE, THERE'S HOPE." What she meant was that no matter how hopeless something seems at the very moment you're feeling it, the next second things can change for the better, as long as you have breath in your body and truly believe that you have the power to get what you want. We live by this rule (if we didn't, believe us, due to the competition and rejection factor we'd have been out of the advice business a long time ago!) and we think you should, too. Believe in yourself and that positive energy will start shining through in everything you do! Guaranteed!