JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

THE ADVICE SISTERS ABSOLUTELY AGREE ON THIS ONE!

Wow! This is one time where THE SISTERS just can't disagree and give you a different "Take" on your question! Here's our short list of what makes a DATE GREAT. First, mine:

1. Be enthusiastic and pleasant: We've asked dozens of dates about what attracts them to another person. "A GREAT SMILE!" is one of the most frequent answers we hear. Okay, so you've had a bad day...and maybe talking about your date's latest client sale isn't what you're most focused on right now....but if you smile you will feel better about yourself and your date.

2. Be approachable. No, it doesn't mean saying whatever you think your date wants to hear, but it does mean giving your date a sense that you want to be with him (or her) and you aren't going to be stand-offish or overly judgmental about what s/he says. All people react more favorably to an open, accepting manner.

3. Be considerate and agreeable: Being considerate and agreeable means that when the picnic is rained out, you don't constantly grouse about the fact that now you have to do something else which isn't as "good" ...and it also means being mindful of your date's wallet. When we first began dating our mom told us: "never order the most expensive thing on the menu." That classic advice is still a good rule of thumb. It's not what your date spends that matters, but that s/he's spending valuable time with you that should be the most important. This is especially true when you know your date really can't afford a fancy meal, the best seats in the house or an expensive gift. It's neither considerate nor agreeable to insist upon it.

4. Be open minded: Two hearts to everyone who gives each date a chance! As to being a good sport - I'm all for it, but just don't agree to do something you know you will regret later: (checking out that strip club he says is the new in place where you know the bikers hang out, or riding the "stomach buster" roller coaster when you have just eaten a huge dinner even when he insists it will be okay. Our book, RECRUITING LOVE has an excellent section on this- check it out!)

5. Be a good listener: Being a good listener means not only pretending to respond but actually responding appropriately to what your date says. Try to get interested in what your date is saying, even if your mind is elsewhere. It's humiliating when we've shared something important with someone and realize that they have "listened"..but not heard a WORD we've said!

6. Be a good conversationalist: Being a good conversationalist doesn't mean punctuating every silent moment with chatter, nor does it mean trying to be your date's therapist. Sometimes people just like to talk about their problems, but they DON'T expect you to solve them. Know the difference!

7. Be sensible: Be "sensible" in all matters you are sharing or revealing to a date. Telling a date "more than he wants to ever know" about your illnesses, your dysfunctional family, your money problems, your sexist boss... is not "sharing"..i'ts "unloading," and it's definitely bad dating behavior.

8. Be "appropriate": I'd like to add that good manners are reflected in how you treat others around you on a date: politeness to waiters, salesclerks, friends and acquaintances of your date you happen to meet up with all count in terms of being a good date.

9. Be sensitive: I especially would emphasize not overstaying your welcome on a date. If it has "gone well" there will be another time to continue. A good date reads the signs and knows when to make an exit.

10. Be well-groomed: You should make an effort to dress appropriately for the occasion.If you don't know where you're going--ask, or wear something "generic." Otherwise, you might end up like the woman we know who neglected to ask where "dinner out" was going to be, and ended up tottering around in high heels and a cocktail dress at the amusement park!

So many things label a person as "a good date." The most important thing is to be yourself...and showcase all your good qualities.

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

"Good date" qualities have little to do with arriving in a hot car, flashing a wad of cash, dropping important names, or wearing expensive clothes. Truthfully, the most impressive ways to be a "good date" are simple and they don't cost a dime. Here is "hot list" of my dating "Do's":

1. Be enthusiastic and pleasant (about yourself, your date, everything...and act genuinely interested in and happy to be with your date. As Advice Sister Jessica says, your smile can brighten even the gloomiest date, and smiling makes you feel good, too)

2. Be considerate and agreeable (be a good sport unless you're asked to do something illegal, immoral, or dangerous to your health and well-being.

3. Arrive on time! Nothing is less impressive than being stood up or arriving way ahead or behind schedule.

4. Re-schedule if you are sick with an infectious condition. You won't have a very good time if you feel horrible...and your date won't thank you if s/he gets your illness later on)

5. Be open minded (be willing to try new activities and new ideas, and don't automatically conclude that the date is a "bummer" in the first ten minutes--give your date a chance to warm up to you, and vice-versa)

6. Be a good listener (don't hog the conversation, and show that you are interested in what your date says. Nod; maintain eye contact)

7. Be a conversationalist (don't respond with one-word answers. Feel free to disagree, but angry fighting is bad dating behavior If you get tongue-tired or have trouble dealing with body language and nerves, practice "dating chat" with friends, and do the same for them. You will all get important information about yourselves by observing each other's behavior, style, and responses!)

8. Be sensible (dating talk isn't a substitute for therapy--especially on first dates. If you confuse an seemingly warm and intimate conversation with psychotherapy, you'll lose your date's interest (and respect).

9. Be "appropriate" (practice good manners including table manners. "Please" and "thank-you" are appreciated by everyone, including dates)

10. Be sensitive (even if you're not having the greatest time, try to look pleasant. Don't let your body language show that you are tired, lazy, bored, or disappointed. Even if you're having a great time, know when to say "goodnight" and DON'T "push it further" when it's clear that your date would like to "turn in")

11. Be well-groomed (there is never any excuse for being sloppy or having poor hygiene. Avoid eating anything "smelly" before going out. Alcohol, fish and garlic, for example, can evaporate through the pores of your skin for hours and sour your breath. Don't drink alcohol or take drugs to calm your nerves or "improve" your sociability — they'll do just the opposite)