This Month's ADVICE SISTERS®"Double-Take" Q &A
Each day brings new challenges, but you always have the power to change your life. To help you jump-start your own thinking, Advice Sister Alison offers her signature "Double-Take" Q&A format featuring both "head (practical) and "heart" (emotional) views. If you like, you can arrange for Private Counseling and get this kind of advice for yourself. For classic ADVICE SISTERS® "Double-Take" Q&A visit the Advice Sisters® Archives
I hate my ex-boss!!
Dear Advice Sister Alison: I worked really hard for ten years in my last job, and then got a new boss who was a lazy, nasty pig. He made my life miserable, then fired me. I tried to appeal, but the company actually supported this cretin! I can't help being resentful that after years of service, in a few months someone could come in and sabotage my career. I am so hurt. I just hate this guy! When an interviewer asks me why I was let go from my last job, how do I respond without sounding angry at my old employer even though I feel that I was treated horribly and unjustly fired?
| TAKE #1: You're not alone. Many people who are otherwise good employees and who make a strong contribution to their employers are fired, due usually, to conflicts in personality, politics, management replacement, skills upgrades, etc. I am always amazed at the number of letters I get from people who are asked into the boss's office, thinking that their promotion finally has been approved, only to find that they're on their way out, not up! If you’ve been let go or fired unjustly, it's only natural to feel resentful, but did it ever occur to you that this nasty man "inherited" you, which can be an uncomfortable situation, too? Most people can adjust to these types of situations, but not everyone can. The company backed him, not you. Even if you wanted to stay, the situation was obviously already less than ideal. Regardless of the situation, it will not be appropriate to display your feelings about it in an interview. Whatever it takes, you absolutely must resist all urges to tell an interviewer how unfair your boss was...how he took credit for all your work...how you had to cover up his afternoon drinking binges... or how he fired you because his new love (your former secretary) wanted your job! The interviewer isn't going to be impressed with anyone who badmouths a former boss. After all, if you get hired and things don't work out, what would stop you from repeating history and badmouthing him or her? If you feel powerless, cheated, angry or any other strong, negative emotions, realize that after some time has gone by, you have got to let go and move on. If you don't deal with these strong emotions and purge your negativity before you go to an interview, you are going to give your real feelings through your body language and tone of voice. What happened is over and done with. Make up your mind to close this unhappy chapter in your book of life, and get moving to a new, better phase. I don’t’ care if you have to punch a pillow or scream in the shower, just find a way to get rid of the tension you feel about what has happened to you. If you are really having trouble letting go of the anger and sadness, I would suggest that you invest in some private counseling sessions either online, or with an in-person advisor. Bad things happen to good people. Those who are successful find a way to put the hurt in the past, and move ahead to a better, brighter future. Stop investing any more of your precious time and energy hating a piggish boss, and start investing that energy into having the courage to let go and work toward bigger, better successes in your life! |
TAKE #2: Living well is the best revenge, so the old saying goes. If you really want to "get back" at your ex-boss, the greatest way is avoid feeling sad, angry and wronged, and start working towards a newer, better job. Harbor the fantasy that one day that awful man will be fired and by coincidence, his resume will come across your desk! He will know for sure that he was a jerk for firing you. Get to work. Practice your "story" since you know you'll be questioned about your former job. If you are asked specifically to comment on being fired, being evasive will only raise eyebrows. I believe it's best to just be calm, honest and diplomatic. You can always say that when management changed, your expectations for the job no longer matched and that both you and your boss felt you'd be better off seeking a new position that better matched your vision, style and skills. You can also put a positive spin on a negative experience by showing what you have learned from it. For example, if there was a personality conflict or clash of work styles (the most common reason good employees suddenly find themselves with a pink slip), you can always say that you've grown a lot from the experience and that this will help you to be a better, more flexible employee in your next position. As a final touch, to show that there are no hard feelings, it's good to say something positive about your experience with the former employer. For example, you can always mention specific skills or experienced you gained, or talk about other managers who inspired you to focus on where you’d fit best in another organization. Then follow up with "this is one of the main reasons why I am so keenly interested in your organization....." emphasizing that you really want this job, not just any job. Focus on what your good qualities and skills are, and what you can do for a new employer. Be enthusiastic about the possibility of this new opportunity. You can’t appropriately badmouth a former employer and expect career success, but consider the great opportunity that being "free" of what was obviously a less-than-ideal work situation gives you. You're free to find a job that is a better fit for who you are, today and get hired by someone who is just as enthusiastic about having you as an employee as you are about him or her as a boss. life isn’t always fair, the ability to rise above a situation and win by succeeding, is the sweetest feeling of all. |
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