JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

In the hectic '90's, adult singles often have very little time just to "wish & hope" for love, by hanging out at bars, clubs, and discos. Luckily, there are many alternatives! While we don't have room to go into all of our suggestions in just this column, here are a few of our favorites from our book; GOOD STUFF: HOW TO FEEL GREAT WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A MATE.

Eating & Meeting Activities:

What are you doing for dinner tonight? In today's busy world, many adult singles have discovered that they can find love while enjoying a good meal. You've got to eat sometime, anyway, and most people would rather eat with others than dine alone.

The progressive dinner is one way to have dinner and get dates all at the same time! It's a bit like musical chairs, only in this version, the idea is that no one is EVER left alone or without a chair! The basic version of the progressive dinner is as follows:

1. A group of unattached people agree to meet for a multi-course dinner for which they've booked either a private room or a large table, ahead of time. Each member of the group gets a number when they first arrive and after each course (or 25-20 minutes), people with odd numbers move one space around the table clockwise, and those with even numbers move one space counterclockwise! You don't get "stuck" sitting next to someone you're not interested in for the entire evening, and have the chance to meet many new people as you "progress" around the table! You'll probably find advertisements for progressive dinners at local singles clubs, in the newspaper, or in alternative university catalogues. Sometimes restaurants sponsor progressive dinners themselves.

If you want to plan one yourself, work out the details ahead of time with the restaurant, since most can't handle a complicated event like this on the spur of the moment. Besides, if you plan ahead you'll know in advance what your costs will be and can ask for payment from participants up front, saving yourself from hassles and unpleasantness during the party. You can also plan the "home version" of the progressive dinner with friends and their friends. Your invitations would just explain to guests that they've been invited to a progressive dinner, and what they can expect.

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

"Good date" qualities have little to do with arriving in a hot car, flashing a wad of cash, dropping important names, or wearing expensive clothes. Truthfully, the most impressive ways to be a "good date" are simple and they don't cost a dime. Here is "hot list" of my dating "Do's":

1. Be enthusiastic and pleasant (about yourself, your date, everything...and act genuinely interested in and happy to be with your date. As Advice Sister Jessica says, your smile can brighten even the gloomiest date, and smiling makes you feel good, too)

2. Be considerate and agreeable (be a good sport unless you're asked to do something illegal, immoral, or dangerous to your health and well-being.

3. Arrive on time! Nothing is less impressive than being stood up or arriving way ahead or behind schedule.

4. Re-schedule if you are sick with an infectious condition. You won't have a very good time if you feel horrible...and your date won't thank you if s/he gets your illness later on)

5. Be open minded (be willing to try new activities and new ideas, and don't automatically conclude that the date is a "bummer" in the first ten minutes--give your date a chance to warm up to you, and vice-versa)

6. Be a good listener (don't hog the conversation, and show that you are interested in what your date says. Nod; maintain eye contact)

7. Be a conversationalist (don't respond with one-word answers. Feel free to disagree, but angry fighting is bad dating behavior If you get tongue-tired or have trouble dealing with body language and nerves, practice "dating chat" with friends, and do the same for them. You will all get important information about yourselves by observing each other's behavior, style, and responses!)

8. Be sensible (dating talk isn't a substitute for therapy--especially on first dates. If you confuse an seemingly warm and intimate conversation with psychotherapy, you'll lose your date's interest (and respect).

9. Be "appropriate" (practice good manners including table manners. "Please" and "thank-you" are appreciated by everyone, including dates)

10. Be sensitive (even if you're not having the greatest time, try to look pleasant. Don't let your body language show that you are tired, lazy, bored, or disappointed. Even if you're having a great time, know when to say "goodnight" and DON'T "push it further" when it's clear that your date would like to "turn in")

11. Be well-groomed (there is never any excuse for being sloppy or having poor hygiene. Avoid eating anything "smelly" before going out. Alcohol, fish and garlic, for example, can evaporate through the pores of your skin for hours and sour your breath. Don't drink alcohol or take drugs to calm your nerves or "improve" your sociability — they'll do just the opposite)