JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

Repeat after me: "Cliff's behavior is abusive, frightening, upsetting, and totally unacceptable!" If you say it enough, you will allow yourself to believe it...and this is important, because it's true.

I have to disagree with Advice Sister Alison here. I do not think you should spend one more moment in a situation where you could, and likely will, get seriously hurt both mentally and physically. You say you moved to town to be with this man but you also say that you are no longer "alone" there. You have new friends. Call on one of them now and move out until you can arrange your affairs and get your own place. I do not think staying in the situation you are in and hoping Cliff will see the light and go for counseling is the way to keep yourself safe and hold onto whatever self-esteem and dignity you may still have left after this assaults (because they is what they were!). No matter how angry Cliff gets or for whatever reason, the fact remains that the two of you are both adults: endangering another person to express anger is inappropriate, immature and inexcusable.You say the fight in the car was "about nothing"...but if so, what does that tell you about Cliff's ability to control himself? If you were arguing about a small matter and Cliff flew off the handle in this manner, can you imagine what might happen if you were to argue or cross him about something of consequence?

Cliff should have managed to handle his rage, even if stony silence followed you both all the way home. That he did what he did tells me he is capable of much more. Do you really want to find out for yourself how badly hurt you can get?

You may feel like you have something to prove since you moved all the way to a new place to set up a "new life" to be with this man. I know I speak for Advice Sister Alison as well when I say that there really is more than one special person for everyone and you have the ability to love again, even if that seems totally out of the question right now.

Move out. If Cliff really loves you as much as he says he does, he will get some help for HIS problem (the problem is only yours if you stay). Meanwhile, call on your friends and keep yourself safe: you, not Cliff, not your relationship, need to be your highest priority right now. You may have a few dark days, but you can and will survive and feel good about yourself again. As Scarlett said in one of the Advice Sisters' favorite movies, Gone With The Wind "Tomorrow is another day".

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

There is a saying that is unfortunately becoming more and more popular these days "ABUSE IS NOT LOVE...ABUSE HURTS." Someone who says he loves you but leaves you by the side of the road is not showing love; he is being hurtful and abusive. If you need any more proof that your relationship is on the rocks and it's time to move on, this should do it for you.

THE ADVICE SISTERS' have a "Sister Saying": the person who doesn't love you isn't right for you. How are you ever going to feel good about this relationship (and about yourself) if you sit quietly and just "take it" while Cliff goes to pieces? If Cliff can, without remorse, abandon you at the side of the road, what's next? How many "chances" are you going to give this? How long have you got to wait?

No one drastically changes without good reason. You can be sure that something serious is happening to Cliff that he is not sharing with you. Unfortunately, the price of his silence will probably be the death of your relationship. By all means continue to try to get him to open up and to get counseling, but if he can't or won't, you probably already know that it's time to make a decision and maybe to move on. Talk the problems out and set a deadline for ending the relationship if you can't resolve them. You have made a lot of changes in your life already (you picked up and moved to be with him, right?). Have the courage to do what's right for you again, even if it means picking up and leaving. Set some support systems in place now in preparation if you feel you won't be able to handle a breakup alone. Join a support group and start making new friends who will still be there for you if the two of you are no longer a couple. Join an organization without Cliff and get some new interests. How about volunteering for an organization that will make you feel good while you "do good?"