JESSICA'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER JESSICA’S TAKE:

You say you are not well liked at work and have trouble making friends outside of it. Though you don't give us any specifics, it would seem that you may have problems relating to other people and you recognize that fact. Good for you! That is the first step to solving any problem...recognizing that you have one. Advice Sister Alison and I have known for a long time that being self-affirming and positive helps people who may not really FEEL outgoing and positive, actually ACT that way. We have 10 SISTER SUGGESTIONS (sayings) that we use with our Internet readers who say they aren't feeling positive and therefore are having trouble in their love relationships. SISTER SUGGESTION #9 is : "FEEL GREAT AND YOU WILL BE GREAT!" What we mean by this is that if you make a real effort to project an positive, open and friendly personality (even if you don't really feel you have one) you will ACT more positive, open and friendly with everyone around you. This is the power of positive self-affirmation: by making a statement you reinforce your ability to be and do something. The ADVICE SISTERS believe in positive self-affirmation and hope you will try (even if you feel silly doing it) putting up pieces of paper where you will see them often such as on the dashboard of your car and your computer terminal, your bathroom mirror and on the door of your house where you will be forced to see and look at it, an affirmation such as: "I AM FRIENDLY AND OUTGOING. PEOPLE LIKE ME." Repeat this to yourself often and you know what? Soon you will start to believe it..and you will BEHAVE more friendly and outgoing towards others....what have you got to lose? Try it and see! Meanwhile, while you are waiting for your self-affirmation to work, consider the following ways to increase your friendship potential. * Be a good talker AND a good listener. In groups, make sure you really LISTEN to what others have to say..then chime in with a thought of your own. Don't "hog" the conversation or be afraid to be part of it. People like it when they think you are sincerely interested in what they have to say...and when you contribute to a discussion yourself. * SMILE...when you smile at someone, you will be amazed at how often they smile back at you. Try it with strangers and with people you know. Say "hello" to people you know when you see them instead of just passing them by. When you meet a woman for the first time, even if you are nervous, smile warmly and shake her hand firmly. * ASK TO JOIN IN...if people are sitting in a group during a lunch break, ask to join in. Make an effort to make lunch plans and occasional dinner plans with work colleagues and with those outside of work. In America, corporate sports teams and volunteer work are not only great ways to get involved with new activities and have fun, it is the way you meet senior executives, make new friends, and possibly help speed that promotion you've been wanting at work! If your office has a sports team, a social club, or a volunteer organization that they sponsor, join in!

ALISON'S TAKE:

ADVICE SISTER ALISON’S TAKE:

I get the feeling that you might suffer from a lack of confidence. You may not be as popular as you'd like, but that doesn't mean that you aren't "likeable!" The person who appears most popular isn't always the one who has the most genuine friends. Do you have at least one really loyal friend (and are you one, too)? This friendship is worth a million people who "act" friendly but who don't really care for you and won't stick by you when the going gets rough! We all have aspects of our personalities that some people find attractive, but others don't value -- no one is all good or bad. You may be VERY likeable but you are consciously or sub- consciously accentuating your negative qualities and not allowing your best qualities shine through! If you are very shy and withdrawn, if you are closed-minded, if walk around with a scowl or a worried look all day, if you are unappreciative of others, if withdraw from people when the reach out to you, you are sending the message to others that you WANT them to stay away-- even if you really want just the opposite to happen! Advice Sister Jessica is right that you may need to build up your confidence and believe that you ARE worth being cared about! This means you will have to extend yourself more than you are used to doing so that people feel comfortable with you and want to be around you. In the West, for example, we would feel that someone who refused a handshake, didn't make eye contact, or who physically retreated when we approached would be acting rude and hostile. Actions speak louder than words. So one thing you can do RIGHT NOW is to adjust our body language to show that you are happy to be around people. As Advice Sister Jessica, a smile is a positive and universal signal with great appeal. Give everyone you meet a sincere smile! TRY IT! You will be amazed how adjusting your attitude AND your body language will immediately signal a positive change! You might also want to take more interest in the people around you. Get to know them a little better by getting them to talk about themselves and learning what interests them. Do "little things" to let them know that you like them and want them to like you. Say "thank you" and "I really appreciate....." as often as possible. If the person who sits next to you at work is a baseball fan (and you've just read an article about his favorite team), cut it out and give it to him. He'll be flattered that you thought of him and made the effort to be friendly. Bring a card for someone's birthday....put a flower on your secretary's desk when it is a special day for her....bring home some sweets for the office from your next business trip or for a special holiday....these are small gestures which show you care about those around you! Don't forget to say and do little things for those at HOME, too! If someone is rude or hurts you, speak up! Don't give anyone permission to hurt you and then allow them to continue doing it! If you are feeling down because someone wasn't nice to you please remember: the person who appears to be loved by everyone is loved by NO ONE!