I've Got The Baby Shower Blues

Love them or not, this is the prime time of year for baby and wedding showers. They're supposed to be joyful occasions, but many guests find these ritualistic "gift trawls" a intimidating, and perhaps, bewildering.

So, since I just got this letter from a reader, so I thought I'd share it here on my blog and on the new Advice Sisters Bulletin Boards. Just for fun (and to get some of you who regularly lurk, but never post a single comment either on this blog, or on the Advice Sisters Bulletin Boards) I thought I'd ask you, my reader, to act as "Advice Sister Alison" on this one and offer some advice to "I've Got the Baby Shower Blues"

Come on...don't stay silent post a comment! (smile

If you want to ask me a question about relationships, life, love, career...just about anything, please contact me: This is one way to get free advice. I promise that if you write me, any identifying information will be removed, and the situation, changed (enough) so that your cheating spouse, irritating boss, or silly sister-in-law won't ever know they're the topic of your email.

Give it a try!

Alison

HERE'S THE LETTER I RECEIVED FROM "I'VE GOT THE BABY SHOWER BLUES." HOW WOULD YOU RESPOND? *please comment!


A close co-worker of mine is having a baby. Her sister is giving the baby shower in their backyard. The mommy-to-be, (Emily) and I have lunch together nearly every day. Last week, she told me that she didn’t want people to bring gifts to her shower, only cash or gift cards. My immediate reaction was "how tacky!"

Emily didn't stop there. She continued on, telling me that she'd be really annoyed if her friends bring stuff she doesn't want, and then she has to deal with returning it (what a drag). She also emphasized that the gifts better come from the store she had chosen, so she can consolidate the money and get the expensive stuff she knows her husband probably wouldn't want her to buy.

I was a bit shocked at her attitude, but didn't say anything. When the invitation arrived, it did specifically mention Emily's favorite store as the best place to get her a gift. When I went to see what she had registered for at that store everything was way over my budget. I have to work with this woman and despite what I consider her warped values, she is a friend. I ended up spending double what I had intended because I already knew what Emily would be thinking. In truth, I felt intimidated and manipulated and it's also making me feel less grand about our friendship.

Everyone knows that showers are just “gift trawls," but isn't this getting over the line? In the past, these dreadful “parties” (who really wants to watch an adult woman wear a hat of bows, and play “baby bingo” --without the benefit of alcohol?) were a way to help the new mother get everything she might need for her new baby. At the very least, it was also a way for a mother-to-be to celebrate her new status with her friends and family. But now, these baby showers seems to increasingly just be a way for a woman to get expensive toys and designer strollers she can’t justify any other way.

Am I justified in my feelings? I couldn’t refuse to attend, and I couldn’t come with a small gift or a gift from another store when I already knew Emily dreaded getting cakes made of baby diapers and “one-zee” outfits. What’s the proper way to handle the situation?

Thanks for your help,

(sign me): "I've Got the Baby Shower Blues"