Beat-The-Wedding-Bell-Blues " Double
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Dear Advice Sisters "My question has to do with how to manage two moms in one wedding. I was adopted but recently have found my birth mother. How do I properly include my birth mom and her family in my upcoming wedding without offending my family. Also, since my adopted father is no longer living, would it be inappropriate to ask my soon-to-be-father-in-law to walk me down the aisle?"
As to the question of how to include your birth mother and her family: without knowing how your adopted mother feels about your birth mother, I have a hard to advising you about how to handle the situation without hurting your adopted mom's feelings. She, I'm guessing, is the one who has been your real parent. She has known you the longest and has helped you grow up into the woman you are today. If your adoptive parents are paying for the wedding, that should also factor into your plans. On the other hand, a birth mother is an important part of who you are as well. If you feel strongly that both mothers should be honored, and your adoptive mother is comfortable with you fully including your birth mother in the ceremony, then go ahead and include both women. If you are asking people to recite poems or make speeches and you are your adopted parents are comfortable, this might be one way your birth mother could participate on this very special day. If your adoptive parents really aren't comfortable with your "other mom" participating in a significant way, I'd suggest that you simply provide your birth mother with a simple corsage as you would the other important women in your life who are attending, and seat her apart from your adoptive parents at a table of other special guests.
As a final note, I do hope that both your "moms" will be wonderful and accepting, but if your adopted mother has serious problems with you inviting your birth mother and family, you might want to reconsider having them...after all, your adopted mother has been your "real" mom for so many years...and your birth mother has only shown up a month ago. If your adopted mother (and I hope she won't) forces the issue, and you must "choose" one mom over the other, choose the one who has been your mother in thoughts, actions, and deeds for all these years. There will be other occasions in which your birth mother can participate now that she's back in your life.
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ADVICE SISTER ALISON'S TAKE: Karen, this is a difficult question, and I can't answer it as fully as
I'd like because I don't have all the facts..but here's the easy part: If your
adopted father is deceased or you are estranged from him, it's a beautiful gesture
to ask your new father-in-law to walk you down the aisle. What a wonderful way for
you to honor your husband's family and officially cement this new family relationship!
However, if your adopted father was alive and not estranged from you, it would be
more proper to ask him to walk you down the aisle. 
ADVICE SISTER JESSICA'S TAKE: It's imperative that you talk this out,
however uncomfortable, with your adopted mother first. Then, if you get the "green
light' go ahead and invite your birth mom to be included. However, don't be offended if
your birth mom declines. She may feel that it is your adopted mother's "day" and
she should not interfere. If she expresses that point of view, be gracious and tell her
that you are honored for her just to attend. If your adopted mother feels uncomfortable
with your birth mother taking an active role in the wedding, however, you might want to
ask your adopted mother if it would be all right to invite your birth mother and family as
guests. Remind all parties if you have to, that this is your special day and that you want
to share your joy...with "both"your moms. 
the above Q&A is just a small sample of the complete, 122-page-book